Boulderfist Blues
Originally posted (by me) on http://MarkeeDragon.com. Yes, this is World of Warcraft “fan fiction” written in a fit of boredom induced insomnia.
As dawn broke upon the Burning Blade Ruins, Margaresk Boulderfist stretched and rolled off his bedroll. His hammer leaned against the broken walls of the hut he currently designated as “his.” A rat scrounging through trash scurried away as he stood up.
Margaresk brushed the drool from his mouth and groaned as aching joints stretched in the cold morning dew. He grasped for a handful of rocks to throw at his buddy U’lashken who’s own bedroll was outside the ruins of the hut.
“Ow! What was that for?” U’lashken muttered from under his pile of moldy blankets.
“Get me some food you lazy nimrod,” Margaresk yelled out the window. A piece of venison came sailing back in the window, bounced off a broken beam and rolled into the dust and debris. He eyed it then reluctantly sniffed at it before taking a bite.
“I’m getting kind of tired of Smoked Talbuk,” he said between bites.
“I know, but the drop tables only give us Smoked Talbuk Venison 4.5 percent of the time,” replied U’lashken still covered in blankets.
Before Margaresk could curse the Drop Tables, Blizzard Middle Management, and unrealistic economic situations, Jugarath the Mystic sounded the alarm.
“Incoming 62 Human Pally! He’s got seals up! Places everyone!” yelled Jugarath.
Margaresk groaned, “Uhg, please don’t be Snugpants1234! Please don’t be Snugpants1234!”
As the Boulderfist leapt into their assigned patrol routes, the hoofbeats of a Paladin Charger thundered down the road from Telaar. With a shout of triumph and a flashing Hammer of Justice, Snugpants1234 of the Inversion Control Guild jumped into battle with Jugarath. Before he could shake off the stun effect, his hit points drastically dropped as the Hammer of Wrath went off. A mere two seconds later Jugarath’s last hit point was wrenched from him.
Margaresk and U’lashken both rushed to help Jugarath, but were hit with Consecration. Snugpants1234’s epic Blade of Hanna ripped through U’lashken’s defenses and laid him on the ground. Margaresk backed away slightly and signaled to the rest of his tribe. Instead of coming to the rescue, they purposely ignored him as he was outside their pull range.
Margaresk launched a Pulverize at Snugpants1234, who merely sneered. He was able to block the return attack, but the next went through his defenses. The evil gleam in the Paladin’s eyes spelled death for the entire clan. Margaresk desperately attempted to attack again, but was quickly cut down.
Snugpants1234 chugged a healing potion then started looting. Internally Margaresk thought “Not my warbeads!” as the Human Palandin rifled through pockets and bags. His greedy metal clad hands clashed the delicately made beads in triumph!
“Yes!” he yelled into guild chat, “I’ve got enough beads to push me to exalted with Kurenai!”
Margaresk’s nose itched and he started twitching fingers towards it.
Jugarath urgently whispered, “No! You’re still on cool down!” Margaresk managed to silently groan, roll his eyes and count the seconds to keep his mind off the itch. As he laid in the remains of the village, he wondered where the Paladin got a Blade of Hanna overnight.
The Paladin in question summoned his Charger again and rode quickly back towards Telaar again. As the dead Boulderfist groaned in pain and waited for the mob reset, Margaresk thought, “It’s going to be a LONG day!”
